Customs and Rites of Passage among Singaporean Chinese
The Chinese people use four stages to define, determine and differentiate the life of a person. These stages are marked by the four words, “sheng, lao, bing and si” (生，老， 病， 死) or “birth, aging, sickness and death.” In this section, I will discuss the three most important rites of passage for a Chinese: 1) Birth and Christening, 2) Engagement and Marriage, and 3) Death and Funeral.
Birth and Christening
The birth of a baby is always a joyous event. For the Chinese family, the additional member not only increases the size of the family, it also brings added influence in the community and society. It is even more significant if the baby is a boy as he will continue the family name and lineage into the next generation. In Confucian thinking, it is the greatest display of filial piety as it is shown in the saying, "Bu xiao yu san, wu hou wei da." (There are three unfilial acts, and the greatest is not to have a son). The Bible teaches the blessing and importance of children in Psalm 127.
Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed.
When they speak with their enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3-5, NASB)
1) They (male and female) are a gift from God. They are God’s reward to the woman and her husband.
2) They are supple and able to be trained and transformed into some useful and powerful things, like the arrows.
3) They can help the head of the house in many ways, e.gs. to defend the home from enemies and intruders, and help with the household chores!
The naming of a child is also a very important act because the Chinese believe that the name can influence the future of the child. Thus, for a boy, they will try to give names like “long” (dragon), “qiang” (strong), “xiong” (maleness) and “wei da” (magnanimous). Sometime they also give patriotic names like “hua” (Chinese) or “guo rong” (National glory). The more traditional families will name their children according to a system set by their first ancestor. Usually this system is base on a saying or poem. This enables the extended family to know exactly their relationship with one another, according to their “bei fen” (position) in the lineage. Some superstitious Chinese might consult the horoscope or medium for a name for the unborn child in hope of receiving an appropriate name, and that the child will bring blessing, prosperity and honor to the family.
It is a good thing that parents give good and pleasant names to their children, in the hope and trust that they will turn out to be useful members of the family, loyal citizens to the nation and honoring to God. In our right minds, we would not want to give our children names like or Hitler or Judas. We have many examples of the meaning attached to naming of the children. A very good example is the angel telling Joseph to name the Child “Jesus” (Yeshua, Savior) for He will save his people from their sins, and the role of Jesus as Savior became a fulfillment.
But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit." She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." (Matthew 1:20-21, NASB)
For the Chinese, the most important day of celebration for the baby is the, “man yue” (full month). The child is deemed to be a year old at the first full month since he or she has been carried in the mother’s womb for about 11 months. The family will prepare hardboiled red eggs and cakes to distribute to family and friends. Sometimes grandparents, family and friends would return the gesture with well wishes and gifts such as hongbaos and gold pieces. The use of eggs (and cakes) for the full month celebration is spiritually neutral. Firstly, the egg symbolizes life’s renewal process, Secondly, eggs are round, and associated with harmony and unity, and thirdly, in Chinese agrarian society, eggs are eaten during festive occasions. In modern day Singapore, confectioneries make it easier for the new parents; they only need to prepare gift cards for relatives and friends to redeem the full month cake anytime.
Marriage and Engagement
The family unit is the cornerstone of the Chinese society. Therefore marriage is a very important event in the life of a Chinese. For the male, it signifies that he has “grown up” and is able to set up home and stabilize his career, “chen jia li yeh.” For the female, it is a joy for the family that at last, the girl is going to marry and leave home. Not being able to marry the girls out was a worry and embarrassment for ancient Chinese families. However, the Singaporean context is different and many single Christian girls are happily single. Marriage, for the two families, is a time of tying the knot of family relationships as they have become relatives or “qing jia”.
In ancient Chinese families, it is important to choose whom to marry so that the other family is of good and compatible social standing and status, “men tang hu tui.” This will have an impact on the present family and the future family that the couple is going to set up. This is important because the Chinese value “face” in the society. Traditional Chinese may even compared the birth dates and Chinese zodiac symbols of the couple to predict the success of the marriage. Singapore is a society made up mainly of immigrants. Singaporean Chinese have lost some of their “Chinese” roots and practices. So they are not too much affected by this custom of choosing “the right family to marry into.” However, there are still very real considerations say if someone comes from a poorer background marries into a very wealthy family, the poorer partner might be shunned or despised by the family members of the richer family.
As Christians, our greatest consideration is whether our life partner is a true believer of Christ and one who is growing in Christian discipleship. The apostle Paul said very clearly, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NASB) Christians are free to choose their life partners as long as they are “in the Lord.”
After a period of dating and courtship, when the couple is ready for marriage, they usually arrange for the partner to visit the homes and parents of the in-laws-to-be. The parents of both parties would set a date to discuss about engagement and marriage. Several things are raised during the discussion including the bridal price, “pin jin” and trousseau, “jia zhuang”, the engagement and wedding dates and an auspicious date to exchange gifts, “na cai”. Today in Singapore, many couples prefer to do a very simple and informal meeting, doing away with the above ceremonies. The engagement dinner may be an informal dinner of the two immediate families and an exchange of rings. Traditional families will make it a point to make offerings to the ancestors to inform them of the happy event.
Singaporean Chinese Christians could use the engagement time to thank God for the way He has brought the couple together, as an opportunity for the two families to get together and know one another better, and as a pledge of faithfulness to each other and maintenance of purity by the couple until the wedding day.
The eighth month of the lunar calendar is the most popular for the Chinese to have weddings. The number eight, “pat” in Cantonese sounds like growth or “fat”, signifies bringing of good luck. This is also the month of mid-autumn festival where “the moon is at its fullest and the flowers blooms the most.” On the other hand, the Chinese totally avoid having their weddings on the seventh month because it is the month of the Hungry Ghost.
On the day of wedding, the groom, accompanied by his best man, goes early to the bride’s house to fetch her. In ancient China, the bridegroom wear a red gown with a sash across his shoulder and the wedding party goes to the bride’s house in a large procession with musicians to signal that there is a happy event in the village. Upon arrival, the younger brother of the bride will ceremoniously welcome the bridegroom by opening the bridal car door. For this, the bridegroom rewards him with a hongbao. The bridegroom is prevented from entering the house by the bride’s girlfriends until he is willing to give them a hongbao with the agreed price. The amount settled for is usually $99.99. This is a Cantonese custom with the many nines signifying a long and lasting marriage.
The bridegroom fetches the bride to his home to perform the “tea ceremony” which is a ritual that indicates acceptance into the groom’s family. The bridal couple serves cups of tea to senior members of the family, beginning with the grandparents, then parents and the uncles and aunts, and the groom’s older siblings and their spouses. This is especially tricky when Christians are married into the home of non-Christian families. The parents may expect the couple to serve tea to them in front of the family altar and the ancestors. Some traditional families even expect the couple to kneel before the parents and ancestors.
In order to avoid this misunderstanding and unhappiness on this important day, the Christian couple should discuss with the parents beforehand on what could be done and what they are uncomfortable with, and how the tea ceremony should be performed. Some couples have chosen to conduct their weddings in church and incorporate the tea ceremony into the church wedding program. There are pros and cons to this plan. The pro is that we could avoid compromise in the aspect of serving tea to dead ancestors. The con is that it makes the church wedding ceremony even longer. So, perhaps the couple should keep the tea ceremony separate as a family affair and still not do it in front of the family altar. Nowadays, parents are more exposed to Christian dos and don’ts and usually willing to accommodate the requests of their children.
After the tea ceremony at the groom’s home, the couple would return to the bride’s home to perform the tea ceremony to the bride’s parents. Traditionally, this is three days after the bride had stayed in the groom’s home. But today, it is done on the same day. After the tea ceremony, which is usually performed earlier in the day, the wedding concludes with a dinner party for the groom’s family and friends, with some tables designated for the bride’s family and friends. In Singapore, Christian couples should be careful to show hospitality to their guests by making available a number of beverages, including tea, beer and wine. This is to cater to a mixed crowd of non-Christian and Christian guests.
The wedding is a very important familial and social event in the life of a person. It is also a time for the Christian couple to testify of God’s goodness and blessing in their lives. The couple shows that they are a part of the larger community and will fulfill their responsibility to their families and society. Through the wedding dinner, they also show hospitality and renewed friendships and family relationships.
The verse, Proverbs 18:22, is spoken in the context of a male-dominated society of Israel and it says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” We can safely say that the woman who finds a husband in the LORD also finds a “good thing” and also receives her blessing from the LORD. In Genesis, it was God who formed Eve and brought her to Adam. That is why the Bible says, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6, NASB) This is a solemn instruction to all who are married especially in our modern society in which divorce is becoming more common, even among Christians.
Funeral and Death
The Chinese worldview sees death as a passage of life. Death does not signify the end of life, or the end of a person’s participation in the lives and affairs of the family. Rather, it is a process of transition into another world; the world of spiritual existence and it is still linked to this present world. There is a continual relationship between the living and the dead and a mutual interdependence between the two. Ancestors are said to be able to influence those who are living, whether for good or evil, to bring peace and protection or calamities and disaster. At the same time, those who are alive are still expected to honor their ancestors and provide for their needs by praying and making offerings to them. This mutual interdependence also reinforces the importance of the family as a social unit and the continuation of the family lineage.
The performance of funeral rites is greatly influenced by Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism and the virtue of filial piety is often used as the reason given by Chinese to perform this rites. There is a wide variation of funeral rituals because the Chinese come from different parts of China, and because Chinese tradition is an oral tradition, passed down through word of mouth, without a fixed set of dogma, doctrine and unified priesthood. Nevertheless, there are common practices as follows:
1. The gathering of the family to see the loved one’s face the last time before death happens. It is considered unfilial not to be present at the deathbed. Thus people travel long distances to see their dying loved ones before they died. At death, everyone in the family would burst out in loud wailing. A white banner is hung over the door of the home to signify that someone has died. Friends and family are notified through word of mouth and an obituary is placed in the local newspapers to inform friends, business clients and acquaintances.
2. Family members wear white and black mourning clothes to signify their relationship to the deceased. The more traditional Chinese might even wear sackcloth and head gear. There are different grades and color of small about one and a half inch square mourning cloth-patch pinned on the sleeve for different relationships. In Singapore, in the past, after the death, family members would wear the cloth for 49 (7 weeks) or 100 days or a lunar year depending on the practice of your clan or dialect group. Nowadays, often the cloth-patches are placed on the coffin and burned together with the deceased at cremation.
In the Mahayana tradition of Buddhism, to which most Chinese Buddhists belong, it is believed that between death and rebirth there is an intermediate period called "Antarabhava." It is an important period that influences the form that rebirth will take. If the family ensures that proper assistance in the form of prayers and remembrance ceremonies are duly performed, the departed will be more equipped for a favorable rebirth, into a higher level of existence. (Buddhachannel.tv)
3. There are some rituals that family members performed to help the deceased navigate and gain safe passage through the nether world. These include the washing of the deceased body with river (or tap) water and dressing up the body to its best appearance and placing the body with some personal items in the coffin. Nowadays these are done by the embalmer. Family members could ask the embalmer to include the personal items in the coffin. Traditional Chinese may have a pearl placed in the mouth of the deceased to prevent the “ghost” from coming back to earth.
4. The family holds funeral wakes as an act of filial piety to mourn the deceased and for relatives and friends to visit and pay their last respects to the deceased. These wakes are usually held from 3, 5 to 7 days. The odd number represents a sad occasion called “bai shi” (白士). In Singapore, the wakes are held either in designated funeral parlors or at the pavilion below the apartment since most Singaporeans live in subsidized housing apartments. Traditional Chinese will have a picture of the deceased placed on a table in front of the coffin with food offerings offered on the table and a central urn for joss sticks to be offered by guests as a sign of respect. Individual friends, groups or associations might send wreaths as a sign of condolence to the bereaved or respect for the deceased. Guests make cash contributions in white envelopes. This is called “bai jin” (白金) or “white gold.” This is a way to help out with the funeral expenses. To thank the guests, the family might prepare refreshments or even dinner, especially on the final day of the wake. There are also red threads and small red packets with a coin on the table. This is practiced with the belief that attending funeral will not bring bad luck for the guests, and to ensure a safe journey home.
On the final night of the wake, religious specialists such as Buddhist monks and nuns, or Taoist priests are engaged to lead the family in performing elaborate rituals for the deceased, with chants and stories sung. Sometimes professional mourners are engaged to wail and cry aloud. A band is at hand to play funeral music. The purpose is to help the deceased in the journey to the nether world, symbolically walking around in a journey, crossing the bridge and finally with the hope of reaching the western heaven or “xi tian” (西天). It also serves to assist the deceased to transform from a ghost into an ancestor.
5. The morning of the burial/cremation day, the priest or monk would conduct a final ritual for the family and then close the coffin. Before the hearse travels to the burial/cremation ground, the immediate family will follow behind the hearse to send the deceased on the final journey. Other relatives and friends will follow behind the family. This procession is usually accompanied by a band of musicians. In Singapore, family members walked a short distance before boarding the bus that will take them to the burial/cremation ground. For burial, family members and friends show their participation in burying their dead loved one by throwing soil into the pit. It also represents bidding their last farewell. For cremation, on the following day the family will gather at the cremation ground to pick the bones of the deceased and place them in an urn to be laid to rest in the columbarium.
6. The completion of the funeral rites marks the transformation of the deceased into an ancestor of the family. After the burial/cremation, the eldest son would carry the urn, and the second son carries the photo. These will be placed on the family ancestral altar at home. When the ancestral tablet is made, the priest or monk would visit the family on the seventh day and install it with prayers. It is believed that the spirit of the deceased returns on the seventh day and dwells in the tablet. Regular rituals that include joss sticks and food offerings are made to the ancestral tablet. These rituals enable the family to remember the deceased and show filial piety and respect to the ancestor.
As Chinese Christians in a culture that is steeped in religious and superstitious practices, the area of death and funeral is one of the most difficult and controversial issues. If a non-Christian parent passed away, should we participate in some of the rituals to show our solidarity and filial piety or should we totally abstain? Will we be mistaken and seen as been unfilial when we do not involve ourselves? If we choose to participate in some of the rituals, which of them are cultural and appropriate for our participation, and which are religious that would put us in a compromising situation? Will we cause our fellow Christians to stumble if they see us participate in those rituals? What is our Christian response?
References
Chen, John
2009 “Seminar Notes on Filial Piety,” unpublished material, Singapore: Singapore
Chua, Daniel
1998 Feeding on Ashes: A Biblical Evaluation of Chinese Ancestral Worship, Kairos Publication, KL: Malaysia
Poh, Boon Sing
1989 The Christian in the Chinese Culture, Second Edition, Good News Enterprise, KL: Malaysia
Sng, Bobby and Choong Chee Pang (Eds.)
1991 Church and Culture: Singapore Context, Graduates Christian Fellowship, Singapore: Singapore.
Tey, David Hock
1988 Chinese Culture and the Bible, Here’s Life Books, Singapore: Singapore
Tong, Daniel
2003 A Biblical Approach to Chinese Traditions and Beliefs, Armour Publishing, Singapore: Singapore
Wee, Cho Yaw
1989 Chinese Customs and Festivals in Singapore, Singapore Federation of Chinese Clan Associations, Singapore: Singapore
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ReplyDeleteSo the Taoist funeral customs came from the Chinese. I see.
ReplyDeleteInteresting article about Chinese customs! we recently published an article about Chinese customs that adds a few new points to this topic: https://pandabuddy.net/chinese-customs/
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